Update

I'm feeling a little more balanced today and yesterday. I'm still feeling off but not as badly. I'm still emotionally reactive and having a little difficulty multitasking at work. I've been getting closer to 8 hours of sleep. Better than the 7 I was getting for a couple nights. I'm steadily taking 800mg Sero and have been using Klonipin more. Yesterday I took one before work and after work. I also stayed up watching The Wire until about 2, which isn't helping. I need to get a solid 9 or 10 hours, especially because on Thursday and Friday I have to leave for work at 7:14 a.m. I know that's going to fuck me up.

I need to remember to take it easy at work and not get stressed by customers' problems. A) it's just a job, B) it's just stuff they are buying, no matter how attached they are to getting it, and C) people (at our company) make mistakes and all we can do is try to correct those errors. I don't need to base my feeling of success on their happiness. That's not my job. I need to follow the advice I give my volunteers at ODS: don't base your goals on what your kids are doing or learning, base them on actions you can take. The action I can take today is basically being nice, working to solve problems to the best of my ability and reach, and being a good representative of the company.

Update

I've been feeling off in my mood for a few days. Possible causes: bad sleep patterns--mostly just going to bed too late--and stress at work. Work has been taking a lot out of me. I'm working in front of a computer all day, sitting in a chair. I try to have good posture and stretch. I've been taking an extra 100 mg of Seroquel for a couple nights. I'll keep working on the sleep thing and make sure I take breaks at work and not let myself get stressed. It's just a job. :)

Mania Lite

Less filling, tastes great? Not quite. More like: Less sleeping, more stress.

The last week I've been feeling up. Ever since my sleep got fucked last weekend. Starting the new job on Thursday just aggravated my elevated mood. I've been upping my Seroquel for the last 3 days or more. Now I'm at 100mg above normal. I should make sure my mood is stable before I reduce it back to 500 a day, what it was before. I also took some Klonapin yesterday to keep myself from freaking the fuck out. Talking to upset people on the phone all day is not conducive to a peaceful and serene life. In other words, I WILL NEVER WORK IN A FUCKING CALL CENTER AGAIN. If I forget this promise some how, please remind me. Now call centers have joined sales jobs and canvassing for money as "Shit I won't do even if you pay me."

I'm swearing a lot in this entry. I definitely lose some of the filter when I'm feeling up. Mostly it comes out in my conversations but it flows in the writing as well. Tonight I don't feel too off balance, but after I get up at 6am again tomorrow I'm sure I'll be feeling it. Well, when I get my paycheck next Friday I can be grateful that I actually had some work, unlike so many others out there right now. I am really thankful this job came up. I am twice as grateful that the other job that I start Monday came up, so that I can have this little taste of hell and then be done with it forever (maybe?).

I'll check back in as to what trajectory my mood continues to take. But for now I just need to get to bed on time and "take the fucking pills" as another blogger says.

Paying The Bills

So I started a work assignment with the temp agency today. The funny thing is that earlier this week I wrote that I had given up on finding anything soon with either of the two temp agencies. Then today I got a call while I was at the new job from the other temp agency saying they had something for me. Crazy! So then I went through a whole mess of whether I should stay at the one or go to the other. After much weighing of pros, cons, and indecisive anxiety I called my grandparents and told them about my dilemma. They gave me some validation on how I felt about the situation, which was basically that I could stay at the current assignment and make more money, or go to the new assignment and probably be happier and healthier (mentally). So I decided to go to the new one.

It is downtown, rather than way the hell out in BFE where the bus is a bitch to take and ultimately requires driving my non-existent car, borrowing my housemate's car (not a long term option), or carpooling (probably do-able eventually). The hours are shorter, but the pay rate is a little better. Bottom line is I'll make about $100 less a week at the downtown job. But I will have more free time, the commute is super easy, and I think the work will be way better. I think I really don't like working in a call center. Although at the end of today I took 3 calls in about 15 minutes and it was super easy.

So now I'm off to bed so I can be up at 7am.