From the inside

Where to start? The narrative of a manic episode from inside the head of the maniac is difficult to tell because of all the associations and leaps in logic, as well as the non-linear quality. I could start anywhere but everything seems to need some back story. I could start from the trip back from Florida. That is probably a place where normal thinking switches to manic thinking.

In the Denver airport I had some time to kill so I called a couple people. One was my friend P. who was living in Denver at that point. I hadn't spoken with him for a while and thought it would be nice to say hi while I was in town, even though it was unlikely he could meet me at the airport during my layover. I also talked to my ex-girlfriend. I think I thought of her after seeing a baby. The reasoning behind this is a side story not worth going into.

As I was talking on the phone I spotted a red-headed woman who appeared to be waiting for the same flight as me. The background on red-headed women is that I find them attractive, and in some of my obsessing over women I had keyed on redheads. Later when we lined up to get on the plane the redhead was in front of me. I decided I needed to talk to this woman or at least create the circumstance where we could interact on the flight, so I sat next to her. We didn't talk on the flight until the very end as we were approaching our destination, my hometown. Throughout the flight I was hoping to strike up some conversation but she was engrossed in her book, and I also didn't want to give the impression of being a creepy guy hitting on her. My mind was working overtime but I think I was able to act pretty mellow during the flight. When we did start talking at the end of the flight, she said she was visiting a friend and this was her first time visiting this city. I gave her some recommendations on what she might do while in town for the weekend. (Keep in mind this was Valentine's Weekend, this is relevant at a later point.) In particular I mentioned a Thai restaurant that I like.

After getting off the plane I was still hoping to talk to her and possibly give her my number. Even though she was from out of town, the possibilities between us were only bounded by my manic thinking's limits of imagination. I payed attention to which suitcase she grabbed from the baggage carousel and was not surprised when it was a wonderful shade of bright green, another sign to me of the necessary connection to her. I debated with myself about approaching her and giving her my number, which I didn't end up doing. When her friend arrived I was a man and then the thought occurred to me that it was the Wednesday before Valentine's Day and perhaps he wasn't merely a friend.

Mama D. picked me up from the airport and we went to get some food at the Thai restaurant that I had told the red-headed woman about. The whole time we were at the restaurant I was expecting her to walk in with her friend. It was meant to be. And like so many things that are "meant to be" when I'm manic, this was not.

I didn't get to bed until around 11pm that night which was 2 am according to my body's clock. This long day set the stage for the chaos that followed.